Stop Complaining, Start Creating

I’ve been avoiding Thanksgiving with my family for years. Manufacturing flu, geographical limitations and whatever other excuse I could find.

One year I packed up the kids, sent them to my parents with my ex-husband and his new girlfriend, and watched three seasons of Weeds, back-to-back in an OTC drugged out kind of way. I was so delirious by the time they came back all I could say was, Why exactly don’t I have a hot, powerful, rich Mexican drug lord boyfriend?, while they turned off the TV and tucked me in.

If I’m being honest, I have to admit that my list of complaints about my family have been much longer than any list of gratitude I could come up with in any given year. I preferred the company of friends, often feeling that the depth and intimacy of my friendships far exceeded anything I felt for my family.

So, I reasoned, if we’re supposed to be with the people we loved best in the world on holidays, why should I be with my family? They were the most shallow relationships I had in my life.

I know, it sounds harsh. Like anyone with such a chronic complaint, I could cite evidence for this viewpoint. But considering how I promote intimacy, relationship, love, peace and all that good stuff, it was a little inconsistent with my persona. So I went underground with it, and it turned into, well, the annual holiday flu.

This year, I’m keenly aware of the cost those underground feelings can have. On the body, the psyche, the spirit. And I’m just not willing to pay it anymore.

So today, I got up at 7:30, walked past my already-set table, and slipped into the quiet kitchen while the kids slept, and got my 18 lb fresh organic turkey into the oven. Without even a whisper of past complaints dogging my heels. Expecting about half of the brood…enough to fill the house but not so many that we can’t have a sit-down dinner.

I’ve been asking myself for the past few days…what’s changed? When I first decided to host, I said it was because my Dad had passed away and I didn’t want my Mom to be alone. But I don’t think that’s it.

I think it’s another milestone in what has become my Big Lesson of 2011, which continues to unfold and reveal itself.

I noticed, when my Dad passed, how easily I let go of all my past complaints about him. Next thing I knew, I had the space to finish writing a play I was struggling with, and I had the courage to produce and perform it in the Philly Fringe Festival.

Which made me start to wonder, how much of my creativity is being held back by my lifetime of complaints?

There’s only one way to find out…

I’ve officially begun a personal campaign. I’ve even given it a name: Stop Complaining, Start Creating. Every time I notice myself in a cycle of complaints, I switch gears and ask myself what I can create instead.

And just so I don’t make it sound easier than it is…I really do some work on letting go of the complaints, so they don’t manifest as illness, either now or down the road. I dance them out in my 5 Rhythms dance practice. I write them out and release them in my sensual writing practice. I incorporate them into my morning download with my Project Miracle partner. I work them out in my Landmark Education Seminar. Or I talk them through with friends, using the Be Present Empowerment Model.

I’ve spent a lifetime gathering tools for personal transformation. I’ve built a business on helping others transform. But I realize that I have accepted, secretly, within myself, pockets of being stuck and stagnant. I’ve complained about not writing more, instead of just writing. I’ve complained about having shallow relationships with my family, rather than deepening them. I’ve complained about not having the kind of intimate primary relationship I envision, rather than establishing one.

Today, with this turkey, around this table, I will take one more step in my effort to stop complaining and start creating. It feels like one of my biggest so far.

I already feel lighter. I’m already writing more. I’m already loving more. And the turkey still has a few hours to cook.

However you are enjoying this day – whether in community with friends and family, in solitude, or in mourning for the history of it – I hope you’ll take a moment to clear some space. Let the air of your complaints, breathe life into your creativity.

I doubt there’s a more powerful or positive act you could take…today or any day.

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 24th, 2011 at 11:54 am and is filed under General. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.